Don’t Let Jealousy Poison Your Relationship

Paranoia is an easy state-of-mind to get yourself into. One comment, one gesture, one observation and an idea is fixed in your head and from here it grows and grows and invades your whole consciousness. The world-renowned ‘hum’ made the news last year, as millions across the decades have complained about a low-level humming sound which seems to follow them through their daily lives. Since reading that article, I’m convinced that I can hear it myself… But this is personal paranoia; your own problem to deal with. Whatever you do, don’t bring it into your love life and let it destroy a healthy relationship.

Although it can start out as a very small emotion, paranoia quickly escalates into jealousy and jealousy breaks down trust and destroys love. There are many reasons why envy is one of the seven deadly sins. It is a vicious circle. If you are obsessively and unfoundedly jealous in a relationship, your partner will be hurt that you could be suspecting them, deepening that trench of distance and mistrust. This could be an unfortunate catalyst for either of you to turn to someone else, driving each other to do what you were originally trying to prevent. If you have seen the green-eyed monster lurking around your relationship recently, here are a few ways to escape from it:

1) Give each other freedom

Everyone needs their own space. Accepting this will make you far less prone to assume the worst when your partner says ‘I need to spend some time alone.’ Wherever you’ve met, be it through dating online or through friends, you have to respect each other’s individuality from the very beginning. Turn a blind eye when she goes to Bristol to visit her friend or he’s in the pub with his mates. Relationships are about compromise, not control.

2) Speak directly to each other

If there is something specific that you’re worried about, like that text that she appeared to hide from you earlier, just ask her directly who it was from. Don’t let it expand into an imagined scenario in your head. Also, be clear and direct with them about your plans. It’s in our nature to be jealous, so make sure your partner has no reason to be.

3) Work on your self-confidence

Jealousy is often connected to a problem with self-confidence. You are measuring up the people around you as potential rivals and fearing your own appeal. What is important to remember here is that for whatever reason your partner has chosen and professed loyalty to you. This in itself should boost your confidence. Also, you may need to work on your image and general confidence; concentrate on yourself. Go to the gym, or take up that musical instrument that you’ve always wanted to. When you feel better about yourself, everything else seems a lot rosier and your partner will be all the more attracted to you with your new-found confidence.

4) Don’t let the past affect you

If you’ve got any painful baggage and a history full of oath-breaking exes then this can inevitably result in jealous behaviour, especially if the wound is relatively fresh. Don’t let past events affect you negatively. See everyone as a new slate that you should trust until you have a valid reason not to.

In London dating, New York dating and everywhere dating, jealousy is an emotion which needs to be avoided. If Othello is anything to go by, it can end pretty badly.

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2. Getting Over a Past Relationship
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4. Does the Relationship Theorem Make Sense?
5. Life Goes On After Relationship Break-Ups